You know who you are. We all know. There’s no pretending.
So let’s cut to the chase: it’s time we had a serious talk about what you do in the bathroom. Or, perhaps more appropriately, what you fail to do. You see, when you walk out of the bathroom without washing your hands, it’s just wrong.
Wrong, wrong, wrong-ity, wrong, wrong.
Let me explain it this way, by analogy. Imagine you saw me walking down the hallway and I had my hand down my pants. I’m rummaging around, shifting things around and I look up and see you. I pull my hand out of my pants and extend my arm to shake your hand.
Do you shake my hand? Of course you don’t…
So why do you think I want to touch the doorknob after you essentially did the same thing: rummage around and then turn the knob…leaving me trying to figure out how to escape the bathroom without contaminating myself by using a doorknob corrupted with your junk funk.
Can’t you see? It’s courteous to wash your hands.
No, no, no. Don’t give me that whole “I washed my hands before I went” argument because we both know you are a liar. And don’t try to say “I’m a clean person” because frankly, nothing that happens in a bathroom is clean unless you’ve been soaped up.
(If, by chance, you are soaping up in a communal bathroom in any other combination except “your hands” at “the sink” then I do not want to know anything more and you should not tell me.)
I know I can’t make you do this. I didn’t even want to bring this up. I was the one voted to tell you.
No matter what your “reason” for this “secret” you keep, do us all a favor and use the sink. Even a token squirt of soap, splash of water and single paper towel is enough. C’mon. Please?
(And if I may add one thing myself, start flushing too…)
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Once when I was in the bathroom, I had just finished washing my hands, but a friend who was there with me (coincidentally) must not have seen me so as I was walking out he asked “Aren’t you going to wash your hands?” I said no, I like to lick them clean and then proceeded to lick them…
Which all would have been much funnier if the CIO of my company was not walking out of a stall at that time, to be treated with the sight of me lapping my hands.
I’m a bathroom zealot, shooting the stink-eye to anyone not washing their hands. I use paper towel on the door handle and throw it away in the hallway trash can. Then I sit at my desk and pick my nose for hours while returning e-mails, knowing that my fingers aren’t tainted with my co-workers germs.
It was great meeting you again the other day and shaking your hand. I’m pretty sure I wiped my finger on my pants first.
Mike
Oh, Control_freak, your post hit closer to home than I like to admit…
I’ve been fighting a cold and have been trying so very hard to be sanitary about it: little bottle of hand sanitizer, keeping my spaces clear of tissues, washing my hands before I go into the cafeteria or meetings…it’s difficult and I know we all have things we do unconsciously but…
…today, I’m sitting at my desk and my nose starts to itch so badly it was distracting. It wasn’t a cold symptom, it just itched. I start to scratch the tip of my nose and a person who knows about my cold walks past my desk, looking in my door, and sees me. They give me the raised eyebrow…as if to say “you aren’t fooling me.”
Argh! I wasn’t…but…yeah…shoot. It’s all about the little things that we either let people see or people catch us doing, unaware.
I guess I can take some consolation that I wasn’t licking my hands at my desk…